Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
