Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
