You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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