I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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