If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize