I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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