He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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