Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
