Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This gyro tastes like lonliness
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize