Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
