my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize