Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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