it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
