there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
