I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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