I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
