I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
