I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wear drunk well.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
