do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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