Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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