would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
