If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
