Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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