They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
