he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
