Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
