i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize