It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
