he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
