Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
