i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
