He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
