U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
