According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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