so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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