Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize