The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
