I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
