Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
