you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
