I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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