there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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