Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
