please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
