Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
