I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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