People with herpes should wear stickers.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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