gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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