So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
