We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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