tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
