I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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