you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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