Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
