Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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