Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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