You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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