They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
