I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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