I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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