That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
