Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
