Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
