the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
