just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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