I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
