apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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