Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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