I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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