Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
