I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
