my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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