my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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