thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
