Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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