I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
