I can text with my tongue
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
