whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
well, you know. whores of a feather.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
