if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
