I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
tell your sister to shave her snatch
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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