yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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