he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
