What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize