he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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