What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
