if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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