Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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