Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
