remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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