The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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