ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize